WHAT WILL TOMORROW BRING?

Some interesting thoughts and ideas have come to mind. Lately, while reflecting back and taking a hard look at my life I can't help but feel some mixed feelings of sadness. Yet as I grow closer and learn more about our creator he has given me the gift of hope. I continue to find ways to pursue those things that are embedded in my heart to seek and work at defining MY life. My wish is to live a life with great purpose as HE intended, I realize I serve many roles in one way shape or form but deep down I yearn to seek what makes or defines ME besides all my other roles in life. Yes I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister etc.... but I am still searching for what makes my life ME aside from my other roles. I can picture my ideal life but I can't quite find a way to pull it all together.

GOD has been putting some ideas in my mind as I sleep, and during my quiet-time. Some quite doable, some a little over-the-top, for me anyway. I have always struggled to think and envision big over the top ideas, lack of confidence I suppose. I have thought of writing a book someday. Or maybe perhaps even a few books would be great. I would love to own a quaint little boutique/cafe/book-club type of business that would welcome women who need a place for a little quiet-time and pampering while sharing with each other and sharing the love of Christ. I love to read books or blogs that are beautifully written. I have also considered studying about becoming a Christian counselor. For me it is very fulfilling to help others. I want to make my home a place that reflects all the colors, decor, aromas and homey feeling that would be a reflection of the love for my family. My home is beautiful, but lacking in the "homey" feeling. Lately I have stopped from putting that extra special touch in all the nooks and crannies of it.

Why you would ask?....Well that's a tough question.I don't have a clear answer. Perhaps the answer may be locked way back in the back of my mind because I really don't want to know the answer. That is some tough soul searching I have been working on.

For now....I think I am going to start working on a plan that I think may help. I hope it will give me structure, better use of my time. I am seeking the LORD for his guidance however I suspect that he is going to make me face some difficult truths before he answers my prayers but I am DEFINITELY ready for change. I don't want to be self-condemning I simply want to start living life to the fullest.

I pray that the LORD bless me, all of us, with an abundance of knowledge, ambition, drive and courage to try new things. I pray that he reveal all the potential I, we, have to achieve and become all that he intended me, us, to be. If I were to be asked "What is it that you do?" I would like to answer I am a Christian wife and mother of three children who also .......etc....I need to fill in the "also."

Deep down in my gut I want to be a homemaker/business owner/ therapist .....lol... with lots of little gifts and talents that are pleasing to the Lord to me and serve others. Seems so unrealistic at times, perhaps someday soon it will come to pass for me. All in his timing. One thing, this journey in my life will forever be something I cherish. For the Lord has not abandoned me he has spoken to my heart and never gave up on me when I took a path not his way. He gently guided me back on track and waited for me. I now know when I trust in the LORD anything is possible. Somewhere deep down I don't believe I am worthy or capable of achieving all of these things. Yet the LORD says I am worthy. I would love to have the time I need with my kids and create wonderful memories with them, I would love to be the young attractive wife...hehe.. that my husband would just relish at having by his side (he says he does but I want to FEEL attractive), YET the LORD says I am made perfectly in his image. I want to be the best homemaker I can possibly be. I want to be the best daughter that a mother deserves.The best friend that can lend a shoulder for someone to lean on. The best stranger that can bring a smile to the down trodden and lonely. One thing though.....HOW do I do it all????

Well I think the LORD has given me a plan. Through reflection and prayer the LORD has revealed to me a few things.

1. Stop worrying

2. fervent prayer

3. faith that he will provide and pave the way

4. definitely better self-discipline on #1, #2, #3

5. work on time and money management...

That said I suppose that means I have to work fervently on all of the above so that I can succeed. HE promises HE will provide whatever we pray for in faith. I have been REALLLLLLY listening to my heart and praying and listening and praying. Last night as I slept HE revealed some ideas to me. One of them is, to give up TV specifically for a year. I don't know why...HIS message was just that clear. I think it may have to do with my pastor, some time back in his sermon he mentioned how he stopped watching television. He felt much better and explained it was because he was not listening to all the negative news and really bad influential television. During this time he said almost everything improved. He had more time and accomplished much more and felt better. I remember I left that day and thought, I want to try this ....now I believe it was the LORD who planted that idea in our pastor and poured it through him for us. This is one of those things where we need to fine tune our connection with the LORD and learn to discern whats "your idea" or when it is the "Holy Spirit" prompting you. After last nights dream I do believe it was the Holy Spirit. If the feeling or thought persists through out your day and in your sleep, I think that is a very good indication it is HE who is nudging you to follow the idea. I learned in bible study and through prayer, when you are uncertain if it is HE who is nudging you just ask yourself a simple question. "Is this idea in alignment with GODS word." If so....go for it!!

Without further delay today was the first day of my plan in action. I will continue to log-in (for self-accountability and progress check) with my daily progress.